Monica Conyers Takes a Trip

Sending Monica Conyers to Israel to study the region's conflict is a curious move by the American Israel Education Foundation (AIEF). I would have been less surprised to see Michael Moore hired for security at a Krispy Kreme/KFC food consortium.

According to both Conyers' office and the AIEF, the trip is being paid for by AIEF as part of its African-American Leadership Mission. There will be no cost to taxpayers for the travel of Ms. Conyers or for Ms. Conyers' safety; her security detail will be staying behind, assumptively to guard something a little quieter. I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that the guards could actually use a little break from the combative minx.

The irony in Ms. Conyers' selection, of course, is her poor performance in conflict resolution as it relates to her own personal and political life. When she isn't in Detroit meting out black eyes to women in local hotel bars or making inflammatory statements about co-council members, she is off proudly representing her city by chewing the innocent asses of those forced to attempt to accommodate her brutish, suite demanding personality.

As a proud supporter of Israel myself, I also cannot overlook the disposition that her esteemed husband, Rep. John Conyers, has for Israel. He is perhaps the most outspoken Jew hater in all of American politics. One can only imagine the conversation that took place when Monica batted her eyes at the elder John and announced soothingly that she was "going to see the Jews."

Perhaps Monica Conyers will come back from Tel Aviv with a new found respect for the Israelis and can nudge John along toward a more objective viewpoint on the region. I'm pretty sure that is the hope of AIEF.

She will most likely dine on falafel as sea breezes waft across the rocky landscapes, not even noticing the distant booms of explosives or the smoky trails of rockets being fired from Gaza. Not only will that horrid wall and heartless checkpoints keep her safe from suicide bombers while dining, but after a delicious meal she can walk from shop to shop with her face and hair openly displayed. She can stroll about in absolute freedom without her husband or a male relative present. She can call a man Shrek if she wants to without having to fear a good beating. If she were to be attacked in the land of new Apartheid, her word will be every bit as important as her attacker's word. She will not be executed or sentenced to jail for being a rape victim. She will be respected.

When Monica comes home she and John can discuss all the sights and sounds of a robust and thriving Jewish state surrounded by other countries wishing it would thrive a bit less robustly in a more remote location, perhaps somewhere on the bottom of the Mediterranean.

But I hope that the discussion does not end there. I hope beyond all hope that the tours and the lectures and relationships that are formed during the visit are not wasted on Monica Conyers. I hope for what AIEF hopes for. I hope against all odds that John Conyers, through the near magic of double osmosis, absorbs himself a friggen clue.

I would be nice if they could discuss it quietly.