John Conyers Springs Into Action

John Conyers was very concerned about allegations made in 1998 in Arkansas against ACORN, the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now, when a contractor for one of its affiliated groups was arrested for falsifying almost 400 voter registration cards. Conyers, like the skilled politician he has proven himself to be during his century or so in office, was able to set aside these concerns after determining that a one-time fraud could not be indicative of the total operation.

I'm certain Conyers was extremely concerned too in 2003 when it was alleged that the registration cards ACORN submitted in St. Louis were only 37% valid. But, since it had been five years since the previous incident, Conyers wisely decided to hold his tongue and keep a closer eye on the organization to assure its motives and means continued to be as clean as the wind driven snow.

In 2004, when voter registration fraud was alleged against ACORN and its contractors in Colorado, Florida, Michigan, Minnesota, North Carolina, New Mexico, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin, Conyers had tolerated almost more than he could stand. It took a Herculean effort to keep from marching down to ACORN himself and busting some heads. He decided, thankfully, on a more modest and silent approach in which he would take detailed notes.

Again in 2005, when allegations surfaced in Colorado, Virginia and New Mexico over ACORN perpetrated voter fraud, our Johnny on the spot Conyers squirmed with indignation over the abuses. Taxpayer money might be being wasted in a mass-scale fraud! There was perjury! There was forgery! There may have been other crimes that end in 'ry' committed! If not for the Godlike self-control of one John Conyers, heads would have been lopped off that very day!

In 2006, ACORN once again had employees under federal indictment, this time in Missouri. Since it was the only major problem involving ACORN for the year, Mr. Conyers took a pill, got his blood pressure down to a normal level, and then spent a bunch of quality time his temperate and genteel wife, Monica.

2007, however, was a year of great disappointment for John Conyers. ACORN representatives were charged with voter registration related crimes in Washington (worst in state history,) Ohio, and again in Missouri. Why, if it hadn't been for the barely noticeable transgressions during the previous year, Mr. Conyers would have been all over those fraud merchants.

In the year 2008 a great anger settled within the spirit of John Conyers. ACORN had once again been accused of frauds, this time in Connecticut, Florida, Indiana, Michigan, Missouri, North Carolina, New Mexico, Nevada, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Texas, and Wisconsin. It was decided right then and there. All it will take, thought John Conyers, is one more year of inexcusable and embarrassing behavior by ACORN before I will jump all over it! And I mean it!

Now it is 2009.

Even more voter fraud allegations have surfaced this year against ACORN, this time in Pennsylvania and Nevada. Also, an amateur film team disguised itself as a laughable pimp and unconvincing hooker and went undercover to investigate the organization at various offices. This journalistic investigation was one

“in which individuals have reportedly visited ACORN offices, misrepresented their identities and proposed activities, surreptitiously videotaped resulting conversations with ACORN workers, and widely distributed them.”

“Conflicting allegations have been made about the propriety of these activities. Please research and report on the federal and state laws that could apply to such videotaping and distribution of conversations without the consent of all parties.”

Indeed, John Conyers has finally sprung into action.

h/t Rotton Acorn